I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
