I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
