where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
