I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
