Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
