By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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