Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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