you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize