Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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