im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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