My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
