I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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