i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
