You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
