Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
