so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
