absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My vagina is officially offended.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
