i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
