You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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