Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
