guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
