She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize