So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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