it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
