My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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