I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
