Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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