found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
