just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
