I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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