i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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