Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
