he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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