He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
