I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
