I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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