tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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