remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
