Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
