I must be too annoying 4 u.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
