Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When are your genitals available?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
