I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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