her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
