another moral hangover. fuck.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
