life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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