she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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