Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
