I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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