Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
