Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
