God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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