Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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