I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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