I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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