It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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