I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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