I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
