Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
