i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
love makes seman taste better
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
