Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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