shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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