Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
