There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
