i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
