we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's blow job season.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
