That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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