Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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