At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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