So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize