he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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