respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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