she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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