I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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