i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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