Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
