Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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