i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
