Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
